Tailgating - it's a family thing.

A few weeks ago we all went tailgating with Chris's family and then watched Uconn play. These games are always a blast! My father-in-law is a season ticket holder of seven tickets and is so generous in sharing them with us all. We tailgated with some friends too, which always adds to the fun. Some times it's steak and salmon, sometimes it's chili dogs!

I took my dad along with us too. He had just had knee surgery and his wife was going to be out of town so I picked him up and had him spend the night at our house and then off we went first thing the next morning! As you can see, we had a great time and the weather was fantastic!

Thanks to Dad for the tickets! He's the best!



My dad and Levi




Levi with his buddy, Mrs. Pat



My little crew



"A family that routes for Uconn together, stays together!"



The kids with their Uncle Kevin and Auntie Karianne



The kids with their Nana and Papa



See the tiny guy in all white in the center of the band? That's Uncle Drew!

Dunkin Donut Musings

Things have been so busy around here lately that blogging has fallen off my list of "things to do". I've got pictures of trips, outings, and milestones that may or may not make it up! But here's a couple of things the girls have said recently that had me laughing pretty hard.

The other night Juliet and I were going somewhere and stopped at Dunkin Donuts. She really, really wanted a pumpkin spice muffin, which they were out of. So she asked for another kind, which they were also out of. So then she said "I'll just have a donut instead." I asked the worker what kind they had and she went through the list. Wanting to get on my way since we had now been there awhile, I stopped her at the first one she named and said "Perfect. She'll have that."

The lady goes to put it in the bag and says "Oh wait, we're out of those too."

It was so crazy how difficult it was to order something they had that we were both laughing about it.

Finally after a little more of this back and forth we ended up with some kind of muffin which Juliet was content with and went on our way.

A couple of days later we were driving by the same Dunkin Donuts when Juliet in a big, booming, very commercial like voice says "WELCOME TO DUNKIN DONUTS, WHERE WE LET YOU DOWN!" She's such a character!


And while we're on the Dunkin Donuts theme, the other day Allison's school let out early and somehow I did not know that was happening (what kind of already-half-day- morning-kindergarden let's out at 10:40??).

So I get a call saying that "the bus tried to drop Allison off, you weren't there, so we took her back to school."

I hurried off to get her and found her reading a book in the school office. I apologized profusely thinking she'd either be mad or scared. I asked her if she was scared that I wasn't home and she just shrugged and told me when she saw I wasn't there she told her bus driver "Let's go hang out at Dunkin Donuts!"

Wishing for more contact

The finalization of Levi's adoption feels like it's never going to happen! It is very slow going. I contacted our agency in hopes of setting up our last post placement visit but was told they are waiting on the TPR (termination of parental rights) from PA before they'd like to do that. They have been waiting, bugging them for it, but have not yet received it so I am trying to be patient on my end.

Though Levi is ours through and through, I am eager to "officially" have him as ours on paper. And of course so we can get to Canada so he can meet all of Chris's relatives. But alas, yet another piece of adoption that is completely out of my control!

I was watching a Lifetime movie alone the other night on open adoption while Chris was playing hockey. (And that would be the ONLY way I'd get to watch a Lifetime movie!) It was a beautiful story of a young birth mom who placed her baby with a couple but very much remained part of the baby's life. The end scene was of her holding her birth son and playing with him and just hanging out with his adoptive parents, like an extended special family. Guess what I did at the end of the movie? I cried and cried! I am so sad for Levi that he may never have anything remotely like that.

I have had this increasing fear and guilt that Levi may never know anything at all about where he comes from except what little I know. I do not so much as have a photo of his birth mom or a letter from her. I shouldn't even have her last name except that I happened to see it in the hospital! I am so worried that she could move away, not tell the agency her new address, and she'll be gone forever.

What if he wants to know more than I can give him someday?? What if he wants to see if he has her eyes or her smile or ask her himself why she placed him for adoption, and I don't even know where to find her??

The whole reason that open adoption is the new norm now is because studies showed it was healthier for the child and everyone involved. Most people have a strong need to know where they came from, understandably so. And so my heart aches for him, that I might not be able to give him more.

I let my agency know my fears and they suggested sending a self addressed envelope to A, to maybe encourage her to send a letter and/or pictures. And they suggested not attempting to set up a visit (which I would LOVE to do some day) with her until after we finalize. Aside from that, my hands are kind of tied. And avoiding Lifetime movies is probably always a good idea!

The man is five months old

Handsome man!




My new trick!




The incredible shrinking bear


"Al! Quit making a weird face!"


Al, laughing hysterically because I caught her making a weird face!


That's better!


Levi turned five months old on Tuesday. He is constantly changing and has several new tricks.

Just last week he started blowing raspberries. He'll get a serious look on his face like he's concentrating and then start blowing away, spit flying everywhere! Sometimes he does it when he just wants to show off and it's so cute!

For awhile now he's also been holding his own bottle. This, however, he only does when the mood strikes him. Most of the time he doesn't do it, almost like he knows I find out that he is capable I'll require it of him every time!

He is also sitting up on his own! I tried it for the first time about 2 weeks ago thinking he was no where near ready and he just sat there, unassisted! He can do it for about 20 seconds at a time and then he'll fall over. So this feat is still a work in progress.

We still have not finalized his adoption. We anticipate doing so when he is between the ages 6 to 8 months old. We have one more post placement visit we need to do before he is 6 months old (Chris and I will both need to go to our agency for this visit) and then we'll get our court date scheduled!

After that, we will still need to wait for who knows how many weeks to receive his birth certificate, a.k.a. our ticket for being able to leave the country with Levi! I am so looking forward to seeing his birth certificate with Chris and my name on it under "father" and "mother".

We try to get to Canada at least a couple of times a year to see all of Chris's extended family and this past weekend was an annual trip that we usually take but unfortunately weren't able to go because we haven't finalized yet. We are very much looking forward to the day where we can just come and go as we please and be a family with NO restrictions like everyone else!

We just learned that Chris's new employer offers money toward any adoption that takes place. His employer last year offered $3,000, his employer after that (and the one he was employed at at the time of Levi's placement) offered $2,000 but his new employer offers $9,000!!

HOWEVER, the fine print says you must be at the company for at least a year before they will hand this over. SO, being that Chris has only been there three weeks, we fall a little short! But Chris is going to talk to his boss to see if there's anything at all that can be done.

Please pray for God's favor in this situation! It would be AMAZING to be able to make such a big dent in our loan!

It's a small world, after all

Yesterday I had an old friend and current facebook buddy send me a message about a couple in their church's small group who are in the process of adopting. The couple shared a story with the small group that their agency (the same agency that we used!) told to the group of couples in the required adoption orientation class.

The lady running the class shared an example of a couple who had only nine hours to drop everything and get to Harrisburg, PA to meet their baby. Sound familiar? My facebook buddy thought so! Apparently she reads my blog and recognized the story as our own!

What a small world, huh? And so cool that our story is being shared as inspiration to other adopting couples. She asked if I would be willing to share our experiences with this couple who are trying to bring a baby home. Of course I'd love to! Though I don't consider myself an adoption expert by any means, I've had the opportunity to share what I do know with several people who have inquired about it. I know firsthand that while the adoption journey can be very exciting, it can also be quite scary! So many unknowns and new feelings.

People often comment that our adoption seemed so easy. So was it? In short, I would say that, yes, it was "easy" as far as the adoption process goes. And with a VERY short two day wait for our baby, we definitely had God's favor on our side!

But in order to even adopt, they sure put you through the ringer and make you jump through many hoops to get there. It can be a very emotional, roller coaster journey and one that no one should delve into thinking it will be "easy".

The hardest part by far in our whole journey was the trying to conceive part and deciding what path we were going to take to get to our long-awaited baby. Trying to conceive was heart breaking, stressful, and frustrating!

And pursuing IVF was equally as stressful. We never seemed to be on the same page with it. I wanted to ignore that pressing question on our brains of what to do with potential left over embryos - I just wanted a baby and didn't want to think about consequences! But Chris couldn't get that part out of his head.

After all, when does life begin? We believe that life does indeed begin at conception, when the sperm meets the egg, even if that is in a petri dish!

In the end, I came to the realization that it would just be too risky to do IVF and end up with all kinds of unused embryos. None of the solutions for this problem settled very well in us. Do you discard them, freeze them, donate them, or use them (and maybe end up with 20 kids!)??? We had to make the decision to move on from the option of IVF.

And I could simply not justify bringing another child (or multiple children courtesy of IVF - Yikes!!) into this world when there are already so many that need a home.

It wasn't until God clearly placed us on the path of adoption did everything just click and all the stress (okay, most of the stress!) seemed to disappear. At this point we were truly given a spirit of a "peace that passes all understanding"!

I think about adopting again often. I don't know how or when, but I don't believe God is through with us yet in this department. Do you know how you can just feel God preparing you for something God brewing a passion within you? That is exactly how I feel.

For now, we are just loving are little man and focusing on paying off our current adoption fees. It wouldn't be wise for us to go further into debt so we will just plug away and get that paid off for now.

But I cannot get the shear number of children in this world without a family to love them out of my head. The numbers are staggering.

If you have a minute, please watch this video. And before you even do that, please pray that God will show you what you can do to help. It may not be that you are called to adopt, but you grasp the numbers of children who need a home, as Christians we must realize we have to do something, even if it is seemingly very small. Sometimes the best thing we can do is simply pray.

If you believe God is calling you to adopt, please don't let the cost alone scare you away. If God calls you to do it, he will provide a way. We are proof of that!

"Pure and undefiled religion before our God and Father is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself unstained by the world."
James 1:27

Adoption conversation

A conversation I had with Allison the other day, verbatim. She was coloring and out of the blue came out with this:

"I don't want to have kids on my own with I grow up. I want to be an adoptive parent."

"Oh really? That's great! What made you decide that?"

"I do NOT want them cutting my belly open to get a baby out. NO WAY! I would scream and scream."

(She thinks THAT'S bad. I vow to never tell her where babies usually come out of!....)

"Well how many kids do you think you'd want to adopt?"

"Twenty."

"Wow, that's a lot of kids. Where do you want to adopt from?"

"Ummm, Virginia Beach. No, actually Florida. Yeah, I'll live in Florida with my kids and husband... No, actually I'm not going to have a husband because I want to be with you forever....Do you think you could help me handle all those kids?"

(Trying my hardest not to crack up here....)

"Yeah, I think I could help you do that. Would you ever want to adopt from Guatemala like where Mommy and Daddy just went?"

"Nooooo way! I don't speak Spanish. I wouldn't know what they're saying!"

"Well, you could teach them English. And you could even change their name. Or let them pick out a new one if they wanted. If you were adopted and could choose a new name, what would you pick?"

Without hesitation, "Rainbow Candy."

I love how everything in Allison's five year old world is princesses and rainbows and candy. And I love how adoption has become such a normal concept to her. She assumes just about everyone either has adopted, will adopt or is adopted. I would be so proud if she one day becomes an adoptive mom. And with twenty kids, I'd say I'd be one blessed grandma!

A special group of ladies

This was a hard photo shoot - all he wanted to do was eat his bear!


Remember when that bear looked HUGE? Not any more!


Gotta love that string of drool!

Levi is now 4 and 1/2 months old so I am long overdue with an updated picture! Life with him just gets better and better. He is such a special little guy and I feel so complete with him in my life.

He has already has TWO haircuts! His hair grows so fast it's unreal. I like him to look very polished and handsome so I am going to try to keep up with it if that's possible.

I've had a couple of friends compliment me at how well dressed and clean he always is. You know how some kids hair all a mess, boogers smeared everywhere, clothes all a wreck, so much ear wax hanging out of their ears you could make crayons out of it.... Well, not Master Levi. I am very anal at making sure my little guy is always looking handsome and smelling good. And not an easy task either because he is a BIG time spit-up-er! (That word is so in the dictionary, look it up!)

I think part of the reason I am so particular with him is that one, it took a lot of work to get this baby so of course I am going to take very good care of him! And two, is that fact that I actually feel as though I owe it to Levi's birth mom to take really, really good care of him. She choose me and entrusted me to care for him and love him, and I actually feel an added responsibility to take good care of him for her. She's counting on me and trusting me, and I want to make sure I make her proud of the decision she made.

I actually think and pray for Levi's birth mom, A, all the time. I think about how she is doing, how she's getting on with her life, how ofter she thinks of Levi, if she is still in pain from having to go home from the hospital empty handed. I have so much respect and admiration for her and she is literally on my mind at least once a day, often more.

Birth mothers are a very, very special group of ladies. Not only did they choose life for their unborn child, but they choose to give them a better life even though it would cause them great pain. I cannot imagine the strength and courage it would take to carry a baby for nine months and then choose to let another family raise him because you know in your heart he deserves better than you can provide. Now that's pure, selfless love. And I don't think I'd be capable of it. The strength that birth mothers posses is truly unique something to be admired.

Our adoption is supposed to be an "open" adoption, which means that contact is made directly between birth family and adoptive family, but right now all of our contact is through the agency, which is called a "semi-open" adoption. So when I send my update letter and pictures every month, I send them to the agency, they photo copy everything and then send it on to A.

But I really hope some day we can have a true open adoption. You won't hear me talk much about A, because we've decided that Levi's adoption story is Levi's story and his to share when and if he'd ever like. But I do know that A is getting our letters and updates and those really help....

I went into this adoption process thinking that a birth mom was just a means to the baby I so badly wanted. (Does that sound harsh? Just trying to be honest!) I thought once they handed their baby over to me I'd be happy to basically have them out of my life. You know, "Give me my baby and move over sista!"....

I couldn't fathom how some adoptive parents actually let their birth moms come and stay in their home with them once a year for a visit. But now I get it. The feelings I have for A cannot even be helped. I admire her for a strength and pure selfless love of Levi. She will always hold a piece of my heart.

And I think it is so cool that there is another woman out there that I can share all of Levi's "firsts" with who will care as much as I do!

When I look into Levi's eyes, I see a little piece of his first mama and you know what? I really like that.